Listen. I am so freaking happy it feels unreal.
It all began in September. Changing colleges was the best decision I could have made. I knew it would help, but I had no idea it would change my life this much.
In retrospective - sure, not all depended on this decision. But the fact that I made it means I changed my life, and all the changes, one after another brought me here.
I left my old college, UMB, and decided to attend another, that is closer to my home. That means being with my cat more often, being able to stay at home, not having to deal with 8 hours of travelling, awful doormen, inedible food and mental pressure that was killing me.
I am still studying the same thing - and I am the only one with my majors combination in my whole year - and I have "lost" some people along the way. Since A. decided to take a break, she altered our relationship by splitting us. We don't meet nearly as often and ever since I stopped reaching out (because she never had time), we stopped talking altogether.
I miss her, and still consider her one of my closest friends. But life brought that upon us.
I miss her, and still consider her one of my closest friends. But life brought that upon us.
Where you loose, you gain.
I met four of the most nicest people ever. One A. cannot be exchanged for anyone else, but people came to my life on their own and I am a part of a group.
Oh the first days were stressful. I cried, I complained, I didn't know what to do... And then, after a week, color came back.
I met Lenka... or rather, Lenka met me and adopted me. She is so incredible. Some things about her piss me off so much, but I cannot imagine loosing her anymore. And it's only been two months! She is the person that is so uniquely herself, you cannot image. She does not care about anything, she is unbothered. Obviously, that means she is the butt of the jokes - and she does not care about that either, she just works with it.
Then there is Miška. Another Miška in my life, that is just as chaotic and just as quirky as the others. She is my everything. Her humor, her views, her personality, her big mouth and loud opinions are mirroring mine, and I think that is why we understand each other. She is also making sure I am not putting myself down because of my body, and her sarcastic answers are everything. I live.
And cannot forget Baška and Sima. Baška is that girl crush everyone has - calm, collected, beautiful, fragile... and Sima is the girl that you cannot believe you're friends with, because she is so out of your league.
These girls became such an important part of my college life, I am so happy to call them my friends.
They also make school much easier for me, since most of them know how things work at my new college. So they are here to support each other, work together... and bitch together, when we found out someone made the students of language have to take a class with logarithms in it.
So bizarre.
Cannot forget to mention my OGs K. and Miška. With Miška, life is always a mystery. K. on the other hand... comes back every time stronger and stronger. 13 years, and going strong, and loving each other so much.
We actually went flying kites the other day. It was so ridiculous and funny. We had coffee dates, and just hung out together, and talked a lot.
Kamila has been altering my life for quite some time now. She is the reason I started shipping, she is the reason I started writing fanfictions, she... we'd be here for a while if I named everything. And this year, she took it even further.
In January, I am flying to Denmark.
Kamila sent me plane tickets, she bought her own (well, we did. Drunk out of our mind, celebrating my 23th birthday at her place, laughing and talking and wishing and believing). And so, we're going.
It's only fair to say that I have high hopes for January. It is going to be the trip, however it ends.
Why? Someone important to me lives there. 8 years of being online friends, 8 years of caring about someone to the point I made an ass of myself and crawled back even after things basically ended... and now we are closer than ever.
Which is the reason why this blog hasn't been updated in a while - and won't be either.
SM doesn't end. Not at all. It's just on hold, hiatus, a break. I don't have time or drive to read, watch, or do anything. My life took such a weird turn and I am enjoying my days to the fullest. There is so much to do, to say, to think about, to experience. Words come back to me, smiles keep growing and my imagination is going wild.
I am happy. So happy that I don't think I ever felt this way. Big things are happening, and even bigger things are waiting for me in the future. And that deserves all of my attention. If I come back in tears, I am glad to have a place to filter.
But if this is it... 2024 was more than I could ever ask for in January.
The person from the beginning of this year doesn't feel like me. And I only have one thing to tell her:
It does get better. Trust yourself. You do you. It will work out for you.
